Tag: resentment

change, God, growth, Lessons learned, life, Prayer, Uncategorized, Wisdom

I’m Gonna Be 50!!!!! My plans were not His plans.

Tansy

It is unbelievable as I type that statement! “I am going to be 50 years old!”

Not that I ever watched Saturday Night Live growing up, but I believe everyone has seen the Sally O’Malley skit at some point in their lives. As I look at that number—50—I can hear her voice distinctly. “I can kick, stretch, and kick because I’m 50!” Well, I am 50 in about 3 months.

I look back at the “nearly” 50 years of my life in awe, amazement, and gratitude. It is amazing to believe that I have been alive for 1/2 a century!!!!! While I don’t feel like I’m about to turn 50….the history of my life tells me otherwise. I had so many plans!

One thing that being a Christian has taught me is that we can make all the plans we want, but God’s plan and purpose will prevail.

Never in my wildest dreams would I have dreamed that I would have the life I have today. If all of my plans had turned out the way I planned, I would be a concert pianist traveling the world performing. I doubt I would have had a marriage because there would not have been time for one, and I definitely would not have time for children or anything else for that matter. I doubt I would have found myself living in Slidell, La being married to the most amazing man I have ever been blessed to meet and living the best life I could have ever imagined or prayed for.

If you have read my previous blog “Do I Have To?” , you would know that we don’t live in a large house. We don’t even own our house…we are still renters, but our home is 957 square feet, and we love every inch of it. Every Friday, we can have anywhere from 6-18 people at our church Life Group. (Don’t ask me how we manage to feed and seat that many people in our limited space, but it works out perfectly.) We don’t have luxurious vehicles, and often times we may go without a paycheck even though we are business owners. Nonetheless, this is the best life I could have ever prayed for. My husband and I are best friends, and we never argue! Rest assuredly, we don’t agree on everything, but we do not argue about those disagreements. He calls me out when I am acting like a moron, and I make sure that I do the same for him. Still, we do that for each other without arguing. I have heard so much disbelief when we tell people that. Some think that we are not telling the whole truth, but I am sure if you are around us long enough—you will understand completely. I work with my husband on a daily basis, we are on the worship team together, and we just enjoy being around each other as much as time permits. There is an unexplainable difference in your marriage when Jesus is at the center of it all. The closer you get to Jesus individually, the closer you and your spouse become. We have our individual quiet time with Jesus, but we also have time together with Jesus—outside of church activities. HE is the most important aspect of our relationship. One of the key things, is that we have learned what not to do based on all our past relationship mistakes, and we have learned how to talk to each other. One of the best things to do as a couple is go through this course “Love & Respect” by Emerson Eggerichs.

While this was not supposed to be about “How to Have a Successful Marriage” or how great my life is, I feel that I was supposed to share that for someone(s). There is hope! Life doesn’t have to be as bad as you think it is. Allow Him to make beauty from ashes.

So back to it….

You see, even amidst all of the ridiculous choices and mistakes I have ever made or ever could make, God was preparing me for this exact moment. I could sit here and contemplate on all the regret and ridicule myself for not staying on the path God had laid out for me, but He knew every single detour I would take. Sure, I could have been on His path A LOT sooner, but the lessons I have learned throughout it all has prepared me for what I am going through right now. There was overwhelming opportunities for me to choose the right path, but He already prepared the next strategy knowing I was going to make wrong decisions over and over again. He administered the same tests over and over until it was time for me to make the decision to pass them.

Have I arrived? Definitely not! I have quite a journey to go, but each and every day I am doing everything I can to follow the path He has for me.

My biggest problem, in my early adult years, was that I have always been impatient. I wanted all the things NOW. I was never one for waiting on the good stuff to happen, so I always did what I thought I was supposed to do—I would make it happen in my own strength, or at least try. I was your regular Veruca Salt…A VERY BAD EGG!

Don’t think for a minute, that I was raised that way. I was taught that if you wanted something, it took a lot of dedication and hard work. I was taught that it would take time and perseverance if you wanted to win the race. I didn’t grow up with a silver spoon, but I also didn’t lack for anything. Most of my life, I was brought up in church. I knew the principals of what God wanted, but I didn’t understand the walk nor the relationship. This attitude of impatience was of my own doing and of my own demise.

Throughout my early adult life, aside from impatience, I developed several negative traits. While I could go through all of them, I doubt you want to read a novel at this point. I am going to focus on one of the biggest negative traits (which seems to be a common one amongst the masses)….drama!

I was the type of person that thrived on drama. If I didn’t have it in my life….it felt like I was missing something. I don’t know exactly when this “need” developed, and I am not blaming anyone for it either…it was just a trait I developed. When I graduated high school, cell phones weren’t the popular thing nor social media. We didn’t even have dial up nor the internet because it just wasn’t the popular thing—at least not in my circles. Keep in mind, I am about to turn 50! Nonetheless, drama became a leading lady in my life. No matter where I turned she was there, and when she wasn’t—I searched for her. It was there throughout my first try at my college career, during my break from my college career, after I returned to college my college career for the second time, during any relationship I had, during my first two marriages, and all the things in between. I never realized how draining it really was and the type of person it made me out to be.

I had to be at center stage every possible moment. I had to be the one that was always breaking down emotionally because it meant that the spotlight was on me. If someone hurt me—I upstaged them with my role as victim. If I hurt someone—I managed to upstage them and play the victim role even then. It was addictive to be in the spotlight. It didn’t matter if I was active in the church or not….I was always the leading lady in the next drama series. I’d pretend to be this perfect individual who had it all put together while I was dealing with my church friends, but then I had a different life on the outside of that….one filled with drama. Life was a stage to me—always performing.

After I surrendered my life, I didn’t have a need for drama. It was like the void I had in my spirit was suddenly full. But you see, the enemy is deceitful and conniving. Somehow, he managed to put the right person, situation, or whatever you want to call it, in my life to suck me back in to a dramatic role. So have I arrived? Not by any means! I was sucked back into it. If you read my previous blog “It’s Time To Make a List and Check It Twice”, you will understand what I mean when I say that I allowed it to happen. The bitterness, offense, unforgiveness, etc. It was all wrapped up in a pretty package so I could make myself think that I was the victim once again. I thank God everyday that He brought me back to the path He has for me.

There is so much peace that fills your soul when you decide to walk away from drama and all the mess that comes with it. Sometimes the enemy will try to entice you with people and situations that may reflect some of your own past negative traits that may have brought you a sense of comfort at one time in your life. Sometimes we may find ourselves flocking to those people because it is a familiar spirit. But that’s just it—it is a familiar spirit, not the Holy Spirit. Unfortunately, because of those familiar spirits, sometimes it causes havoc and the smart thing to do is to walk away.

Just today, the daily devotion was about praying for those who persecute us. There is so much peace when you make the decision to love them and pray for them. Pray with every ounce of sincerity you have that God blesses them. We are called to love like Jesus loves, and while it seems we should be friends with everyone, and they should be in our inner circles—sometimes they are only in our lives for a season. Sometimes that season has to come to an end. It doesn’t mean that we don’t love them, but not everyone will be by your side all throughout your life. I am thankful for the time that I’ve had with every single person that has been a part of my almost 50 years of life. While you might think that I am only talking about the positive relationships, I am even thankful for the people in which we may have parted on bad terms. I have learned much from the downfall of those relationships, and the role that I played in its failure. To those people, I am truly sorry for the role that I played. I’ve been able to walk away with many life lessons from every single person.

My cup is overflowing when I look back on every year of my life—the people, the lessons, the joys, the sorrows, the pain, the laughs, the heartaches, the shenanigans (even the ones we don’t speak of), the tests, and so much more. I could not have asked for a better way to live out my first 1/2 century of my life. Thank you to every single one of you for being a part of my story. I am excited to see what God does with this next chapter.

change, forgiveness, God, growth, life, Persecution, Prayer, Uncategorized

It’s time to make a list and check it twice—gotta find out if I’m naughty or nice.

Tansy

I’m sure that as you read that title, you were automatically thinking that this might be another Christmas post. As much as I wish it were, I am sorry to disappoint all of you Christmas lovers. This is not a Christmas post but a Christian post.

As Christians, we are called to forgive and to forgive often. In Matthew 18:21-22, Jesus tells Peter that we are to forgive those who wrong us or offend us seventy times seven. Basically, as it states in the Amplified version of the Bible—we must be ready to forgive over and over again, past counting. It’s so easy to say, but so very difficult to do, especially when our flesh is screaming otherwise. Sometimes our flesh outweighs what Jesus calls us to do, but we are to be reminded that we are to forgive others just as we ask our Father to forgive us.

Whew! When you really think of it like that…..it makes me want to put together a list of all the people that I “feel” have wronged me. I feel like I need to make a list and check it twice so I know for sure if I’ve truly forgiven them or not. Am I naughty or nice?

I began to think back on my past hurts….even the ones that didn’t seem like they could have been a big deal, so I began to make a list of all the people that may have hurt or offended me. Now, don’t go on thinking that I have this long “Grudge List”or a “Burn Book”.

(I’m pretty certain most everyone knows the Mean Girls reference here.)

Before I gave my life to Christ, I most likely had a list that would blow your mind, but by the grace of God, I have been able to forgive a lot of past hurts, people, etc. Most importantly, I’ve been able to forgive myself. I was at the top of that list because I managed to hurt and offend myself in ways that I couldn’t even begin to explain…more than anyone else on the list.

Nonetheless, no one ever said that once you become a Christian you will live life without being hurt or offended. Oftentimes, offense and hurt happen so much more, especially when it comes to other Christians because we hold them in high esteem thinking that they are supposed to be perfect. While my list was not nearly as long after I was saved, it was a list of heavy burden. Recently, my Heavenly Father had to correct me because I was guilty of placing a Christian sister on a pedestal only to be extremely disappointed and let down when she turned out not to be the perfect Christian I thought her to be. Do not think for a minute that I am implying she was a horrible person because that is far from the truth. She is a mighty woman of God. I simply mean—I was wrong by allowing offense to creep in which led to a great deal of hurt. That was my fault—I fell short—at that moment, I didn’t forgive the way Jesus tells us to forgive. It is not about what the other person says or does to hurt us that matters, it is about our ability or inability to be like Jesus in those moments that matter most. His words on the cross should ring in our ears every time we allow someone’s words or actions to hurt us, “Father forgive them, they know not what they are doing” Luke 23:34 We are all sinners and fall short.

My Father had to “take me to the woodshed” (as my husband likes to say) because I was wrong in thinking she would never disappoint me. I was wrong in thinking she was god. I was wrong in placing her on the throne, when He is the only One on the throne. Hurt people hurt people, and we should always be ready to forgive even before the hurt takes place. We should never think that because someone is a Christian, they will never hurt us. Our pastor tells us often, be ready to be offended by everyone we encounter—especially in the church, and forgive them before it even happens. If we already have a heart to forgive, then we will save ourselves from a lot of unnecessary pain. God has helped me to see that I need to look at each situation/person differently. I have to be “un-offendable” (yes, I know that isn’t a word). I have to look at each person and recognize that something is going on in their own hearts. Just because someone does or says something to hurt me, it doesn’t mean that it was “intentional”. It simply means they are hurting. Some are hurting more than others. There are times a person may think that they are delivered/healed from past hurts, but it turns out they just swept it under a rug.

“Let’s not talk about the elephant in the room.” We all see it, but if we just ignore it—maybe it will disappear. Instead of acknowledging the hurt and confronting it, each new hurt gets swept under that same rug until there’s a huge mound of hurt never addressed or dealt with. Healing has never truly happened because it is easier to sweep it under that rug. Soon enough, there’s a mound of hurt that blows up right in front of us, and it comes out as word vomit.

The next thing you know, the things that come out of your mouth is just a reflection of your own personal hurts. It is not always easy to be forgiving when someone’s word vomit can be so harsh…their words CAN really hurt, but we have to think about how our Father sees and forgives us. Think of all the times we have hurt or offended Him (not that He gets offended). Think of the times that we have made the decision to go our own way instead of trusting in His Word and promises. Think of all the times we have been disobedient. I can only imagine how many times I’ve hurt His heart, but He keeps forgiving me time and time again. No matter how many times I may have been mad at Him or said hurtful things, He keeps forgiving me and welcoming me with open arms. He’s such a good Father, and we can only strive to love the way He loves.

So, make your list and check it twice. Don’t hold unforgiveness in your heart no matter how serious the hurt may have been. Pray for every single person on your list. Pray that the Father blesses them abundantly. Pray for their healing. Pray that they come to realize that their own hurts are bleeding into their relationships with others and that is what is causing discord. Pray that they can truly see that their Father loves them even in spite of their failures or flaws. Pray that they come to realize that we love them even though they may have caused a lot of pain and strife. Pray that they can finally accept forgiveness, and they can also forgive themselves. Pray that they can finally address all the things swept under the rug as a way to complete healing. Pray that the elephant in the room is no longer ignored. Whatever it is…..Just pray for them!

Uncategorized

Living Unoffended…..Is It Possible?

Tansy

We live in a society where it seems like people are getting offended left and right. One group is offended if they don’t feel like they aren’t being treated fairly. One group is offended if the wrong political party is in office. One group may be offended because some may not accept that they “identify as a tree, dog, man, woman, it, they, etc.”. It is like walking on thin ice no matter where you go. Let’s not even begin to dabble into the world of Facebook. Every where you turn, someone is offended. My husband and I have friends from church, and we all joke around about being offended. However, living in offense is no joke.

I once lived a life where I was offended often and allowed that to determine my happiness…my commitments…

It wasn’t until I surrendered my life to Christ that I learned that I didn’t have to allow offenses to control my life. My pastor tells us quite often, through his sermons and just in conversation, that it is inevitable….someone in the church WILL offend you. We are all human, and we give in to our flesh more often than we should.

It is our human nature that when someone wrongs us, we want to gather up a team of people that will feel the same way as we do. We tell them about what that person did to us, and then 9 times out of 10, those people will join the gang of the offended and hurt. The sad thing is, 9 times out of 10, the ones who are on our side do not even know the person who offended or hurt us.
I am guilty of doing that in the past. I was so selfish and prideful that when someone offended me or hurt me, I would go complaining to whoever would hear me and take my side. So, instead of confronting the person who offended me or hurt me, I would just walk away with a sense of pride and arrogance because I had the upper hand. After all, I had my posse. So anytime me and my posse were in the presence of the person who offended or hurt me, we would immediately put on that cloak of self righteousness and walk past that person with the stench of pride, bitterness, and deep down resentment.


What was really sad in all of this is that the person I thought offended me or hurt me, had no clue that they did anything because they actually didn’t. I took whatever they did or said so personal that I brought it all upon myself. So here I was in all my bitter glory thinking I had the upper hand, but the truth of the matter is that…I really had nothing but my own stupidity in my hand.
I heard something one day, “It takes more work to hold a grudge and be offended than it does to just forgive someone and move on.” There is so much truth in that. Looking back, I think about how much work it took for me to stay bitter, angry, resentful, etc.

“Seest thou a man wise in his own conceit? There is more hope of a fool than of him.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭26:12‬ ‭KJV‬‬

“Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go: first be reconciled to your brother, and then come present your offering.”
Matthew 5: 23-24 NASB

So, instead of resolving my offense or hurt, I just walked away. Commitment didn’t matter to me. Integrity didn’t matter to me. Character didn’t matter to me. I can’t even begin to tell you how many jobs, relationships, and friendships I walked away from because of my own prideful stupidity. All I had to do was to talk to that person and work it out. I spent more time “acting” better than others, more “righteous” than others, when in the end, I was just a prideful, arrogant, self-righteous, bitter, butt head.

So, is there a lesson in all of this? Yes, don’t be a bitter butt head. Work out your differences with your brothers and sisters. Love one another no matter what. Forgive one another as God forgives us. By forgiving, that means you don’t hold on to the hurt and put on a front when talking to the person who hurt you—you LET IT GO! Don’t pretend to be “not offended” when you clearly are offended, and everyone can see it because you become defensive about “not being offended”. Talk to that person instead of getting a bitter posse to back you up. How many times are we supposed to forgive our brother or sister? Well, if you don’t know the answer to that, I’ll let you look that one up. Just a hint: it’s found in the Bible. 😉