Tag: failure

change, God, growth, Lessons learned, life, Prayer, Uncategorized, Wisdom

I’m Gonna Be 50!!!!! My plans were not His plans.

Tansy

It is unbelievable as I type that statement! “I am going to be 50 years old!”

Not that I ever watched Saturday Night Live growing up, but I believe everyone has seen the Sally O’Malley skit at some point in their lives. As I look at that number—50—I can hear her voice distinctly. “I can kick, stretch, and kick because I’m 50!” Well, I am 50 in about 3 months.

I look back at the “nearly” 50 years of my life in awe, amazement, and gratitude. It is amazing to believe that I have been alive for 1/2 a century!!!!! While I don’t feel like I’m about to turn 50….the history of my life tells me otherwise. I had so many plans!

One thing that being a Christian has taught me is that we can make all the plans we want, but God’s plan and purpose will prevail.

Never in my wildest dreams would I have dreamed that I would have the life I have today. If all of my plans had turned out the way I planned, I would be a concert pianist traveling the world performing. I doubt I would have had a marriage because there would not have been time for one, and I definitely would not have time for children or anything else for that matter. I doubt I would have found myself living in Slidell, La being married to the most amazing man I have ever been blessed to meet and living the best life I could have ever imagined or prayed for.

If you have read my previous blog “Do I Have To?” , you would know that we don’t live in a large house. We don’t even own our house…we are still renters, but our home is 957 square feet, and we love every inch of it. Every Friday, we can have anywhere from 6-18 people at our church Life Group. (Don’t ask me how we manage to feed and seat that many people in our limited space, but it works out perfectly.) We don’t have luxurious vehicles, and often times we may go without a paycheck even though we are business owners. Nonetheless, this is the best life I could have ever prayed for. My husband and I are best friends, and we never argue! Rest assuredly, we don’t agree on everything, but we do not argue about those disagreements. He calls me out when I am acting like a moron, and I make sure that I do the same for him. Still, we do that for each other without arguing. I have heard so much disbelief when we tell people that. Some think that we are not telling the whole truth, but I am sure if you are around us long enough—you will understand completely. I work with my husband on a daily basis, we are on the worship team together, and we just enjoy being around each other as much as time permits. There is an unexplainable difference in your marriage when Jesus is at the center of it all. The closer you get to Jesus individually, the closer you and your spouse become. We have our individual quiet time with Jesus, but we also have time together with Jesus—outside of church activities. HE is the most important aspect of our relationship. One of the key things, is that we have learned what not to do based on all our past relationship mistakes, and we have learned how to talk to each other. One of the best things to do as a couple is go through this course “Love & Respect” by Emerson Eggerichs.

While this was not supposed to be about “How to Have a Successful Marriage” or how great my life is, I feel that I was supposed to share that for someone(s). There is hope! Life doesn’t have to be as bad as you think it is. Allow Him to make beauty from ashes.

So back to it….

You see, even amidst all of the ridiculous choices and mistakes I have ever made or ever could make, God was preparing me for this exact moment. I could sit here and contemplate on all the regret and ridicule myself for not staying on the path God had laid out for me, but He knew every single detour I would take. Sure, I could have been on His path A LOT sooner, but the lessons I have learned throughout it all has prepared me for what I am going through right now. There was overwhelming opportunities for me to choose the right path, but He already prepared the next strategy knowing I was going to make wrong decisions over and over again. He administered the same tests over and over until it was time for me to make the decision to pass them.

Have I arrived? Definitely not! I have quite a journey to go, but each and every day I am doing everything I can to follow the path He has for me.

My biggest problem, in my early adult years, was that I have always been impatient. I wanted all the things NOW. I was never one for waiting on the good stuff to happen, so I always did what I thought I was supposed to do—I would make it happen in my own strength, or at least try. I was your regular Veruca Salt…A VERY BAD EGG!

Don’t think for a minute, that I was raised that way. I was taught that if you wanted something, it took a lot of dedication and hard work. I was taught that it would take time and perseverance if you wanted to win the race. I didn’t grow up with a silver spoon, but I also didn’t lack for anything. Most of my life, I was brought up in church. I knew the principals of what God wanted, but I didn’t understand the walk nor the relationship. This attitude of impatience was of my own doing and of my own demise.

Throughout my early adult life, aside from impatience, I developed several negative traits. While I could go through all of them, I doubt you want to read a novel at this point. I am going to focus on one of the biggest negative traits (which seems to be a common one amongst the masses)….drama!

I was the type of person that thrived on drama. If I didn’t have it in my life….it felt like I was missing something. I don’t know exactly when this “need” developed, and I am not blaming anyone for it either…it was just a trait I developed. When I graduated high school, cell phones weren’t the popular thing nor social media. We didn’t even have dial up nor the internet because it just wasn’t the popular thing—at least not in my circles. Keep in mind, I am about to turn 50! Nonetheless, drama became a leading lady in my life. No matter where I turned she was there, and when she wasn’t—I searched for her. It was there throughout my first try at my college career, during my break from my college career, after I returned to college my college career for the second time, during any relationship I had, during my first two marriages, and all the things in between. I never realized how draining it really was and the type of person it made me out to be.

I had to be at center stage every possible moment. I had to be the one that was always breaking down emotionally because it meant that the spotlight was on me. If someone hurt me—I upstaged them with my role as victim. If I hurt someone—I managed to upstage them and play the victim role even then. It was addictive to be in the spotlight. It didn’t matter if I was active in the church or not….I was always the leading lady in the next drama series. I’d pretend to be this perfect individual who had it all put together while I was dealing with my church friends, but then I had a different life on the outside of that….one filled with drama. Life was a stage to me—always performing.

After I surrendered my life, I didn’t have a need for drama. It was like the void I had in my spirit was suddenly full. But you see, the enemy is deceitful and conniving. Somehow, he managed to put the right person, situation, or whatever you want to call it, in my life to suck me back in to a dramatic role. So have I arrived? Not by any means! I was sucked back into it. If you read my previous blog “It’s Time To Make a List and Check It Twice”, you will understand what I mean when I say that I allowed it to happen. The bitterness, offense, unforgiveness, etc. It was all wrapped up in a pretty package so I could make myself think that I was the victim once again. I thank God everyday that He brought me back to the path He has for me.

There is so much peace that fills your soul when you decide to walk away from drama and all the mess that comes with it. Sometimes the enemy will try to entice you with people and situations that may reflect some of your own past negative traits that may have brought you a sense of comfort at one time in your life. Sometimes we may find ourselves flocking to those people because it is a familiar spirit. But that’s just it—it is a familiar spirit, not the Holy Spirit. Unfortunately, because of those familiar spirits, sometimes it causes havoc and the smart thing to do is to walk away.

Just today, the daily devotion was about praying for those who persecute us. There is so much peace when you make the decision to love them and pray for them. Pray with every ounce of sincerity you have that God blesses them. We are called to love like Jesus loves, and while it seems we should be friends with everyone, and they should be in our inner circles—sometimes they are only in our lives for a season. Sometimes that season has to come to an end. It doesn’t mean that we don’t love them, but not everyone will be by your side all throughout your life. I am thankful for the time that I’ve had with every single person that has been a part of my almost 50 years of life. While you might think that I am only talking about the positive relationships, I am even thankful for the people in which we may have parted on bad terms. I have learned much from the downfall of those relationships, and the role that I played in its failure. To those people, I am truly sorry for the role that I played. I’ve been able to walk away with many life lessons from every single person.

My cup is overflowing when I look back on every year of my life—the people, the lessons, the joys, the sorrows, the pain, the laughs, the heartaches, the shenanigans (even the ones we don’t speak of), the tests, and so much more. I could not have asked for a better way to live out my first 1/2 century of my life. Thank you to every single one of you for being a part of my story. I am excited to see what God does with this next chapter.

change, forgiveness, God, growth, life, Persecution, Prayer, Uncategorized

It’s time to make a list and check it twice—gotta find out if I’m naughty or nice.

Tansy

I’m sure that as you read that title, you were automatically thinking that this might be another Christmas post. As much as I wish it were, I am sorry to disappoint all of you Christmas lovers. This is not a Christmas post but a Christian post.

As Christians, we are called to forgive and to forgive often. In Matthew 18:21-22, Jesus tells Peter that we are to forgive those who wrong us or offend us seventy times seven. Basically, as it states in the Amplified version of the Bible—we must be ready to forgive over and over again, past counting. It’s so easy to say, but so very difficult to do, especially when our flesh is screaming otherwise. Sometimes our flesh outweighs what Jesus calls us to do, but we are to be reminded that we are to forgive others just as we ask our Father to forgive us.

Whew! When you really think of it like that…..it makes me want to put together a list of all the people that I “feel” have wronged me. I feel like I need to make a list and check it twice so I know for sure if I’ve truly forgiven them or not. Am I naughty or nice?

I began to think back on my past hurts….even the ones that didn’t seem like they could have been a big deal, so I began to make a list of all the people that may have hurt or offended me. Now, don’t go on thinking that I have this long “Grudge List”or a “Burn Book”.

(I’m pretty certain most everyone knows the Mean Girls reference here.)

Before I gave my life to Christ, I most likely had a list that would blow your mind, but by the grace of God, I have been able to forgive a lot of past hurts, people, etc. Most importantly, I’ve been able to forgive myself. I was at the top of that list because I managed to hurt and offend myself in ways that I couldn’t even begin to explain…more than anyone else on the list.

Nonetheless, no one ever said that once you become a Christian you will live life without being hurt or offended. Oftentimes, offense and hurt happen so much more, especially when it comes to other Christians because we hold them in high esteem thinking that they are supposed to be perfect. While my list was not nearly as long after I was saved, it was a list of heavy burden. Recently, my Heavenly Father had to correct me because I was guilty of placing a Christian sister on a pedestal only to be extremely disappointed and let down when she turned out not to be the perfect Christian I thought her to be. Do not think for a minute that I am implying she was a horrible person because that is far from the truth. She is a mighty woman of God. I simply mean—I was wrong by allowing offense to creep in which led to a great deal of hurt. That was my fault—I fell short—at that moment, I didn’t forgive the way Jesus tells us to forgive. It is not about what the other person says or does to hurt us that matters, it is about our ability or inability to be like Jesus in those moments that matter most. His words on the cross should ring in our ears every time we allow someone’s words or actions to hurt us, “Father forgive them, they know not what they are doing” Luke 23:34 We are all sinners and fall short.

My Father had to “take me to the woodshed” (as my husband likes to say) because I was wrong in thinking she would never disappoint me. I was wrong in thinking she was god. I was wrong in placing her on the throne, when He is the only One on the throne. Hurt people hurt people, and we should always be ready to forgive even before the hurt takes place. We should never think that because someone is a Christian, they will never hurt us. Our pastor tells us often, be ready to be offended by everyone we encounter—especially in the church, and forgive them before it even happens. If we already have a heart to forgive, then we will save ourselves from a lot of unnecessary pain. God has helped me to see that I need to look at each situation/person differently. I have to be “un-offendable” (yes, I know that isn’t a word). I have to look at each person and recognize that something is going on in their own hearts. Just because someone does or says something to hurt me, it doesn’t mean that it was “intentional”. It simply means they are hurting. Some are hurting more than others. There are times a person may think that they are delivered/healed from past hurts, but it turns out they just swept it under a rug.

“Let’s not talk about the elephant in the room.” We all see it, but if we just ignore it—maybe it will disappear. Instead of acknowledging the hurt and confronting it, each new hurt gets swept under that same rug until there’s a huge mound of hurt never addressed or dealt with. Healing has never truly happened because it is easier to sweep it under that rug. Soon enough, there’s a mound of hurt that blows up right in front of us, and it comes out as word vomit.

The next thing you know, the things that come out of your mouth is just a reflection of your own personal hurts. It is not always easy to be forgiving when someone’s word vomit can be so harsh…their words CAN really hurt, but we have to think about how our Father sees and forgives us. Think of all the times we have hurt or offended Him (not that He gets offended). Think of the times that we have made the decision to go our own way instead of trusting in His Word and promises. Think of all the times we have been disobedient. I can only imagine how many times I’ve hurt His heart, but He keeps forgiving me time and time again. No matter how many times I may have been mad at Him or said hurtful things, He keeps forgiving me and welcoming me with open arms. He’s such a good Father, and we can only strive to love the way He loves.

So, make your list and check it twice. Don’t hold unforgiveness in your heart no matter how serious the hurt may have been. Pray for every single person on your list. Pray that the Father blesses them abundantly. Pray for their healing. Pray that they come to realize that their own hurts are bleeding into their relationships with others and that is what is causing discord. Pray that they can truly see that their Father loves them even in spite of their failures or flaws. Pray that they come to realize that we love them even though they may have caused a lot of pain and strife. Pray that they can finally accept forgiveness, and they can also forgive themselves. Pray that they can finally address all the things swept under the rug as a way to complete healing. Pray that the elephant in the room is no longer ignored. Whatever it is…..Just pray for them!

life, planning, time management

Time = Priorities

Tansy

TIME…I’m sure many won’t have the time to read this…..

We often get wrapped up in the hustle and bustle of our daily lives that we tend to resort to the phrase, “I don’t have enough time.”

Out of all the excuses in the world, the one I detest most is also the one I seem to hear most frequently – I don’t have time. Sadly, I’ve heard those very words spew from my own mouth. I don’t have time to learn a new language, I don’t have time to workout and get fit, I don’t have time to start a business, I don’t have time to do this, that, or anything else.

Think of everyone who has ever achieved greatness throughout the entire span of human history – Archimedes, Michelangelo, Shakespeare, Ford, Jobs and anyone else you can think of who was successful – do you know how many hours they had to work with in a day? Twenty four. Same as you and me.

Not only am I going to explain why it’s an inane excuse, I’m going to show you ways you can ‘find the time’ to do everything you could possibly want to do and more. There are 24 Hours in a Day…So how is it, exactly, that you don’t have enough time?

So clearly, ‘finding the time’ is not the issue. If Michelangelo can find the time to paint the Sistine Chapel, I’m reasonably certain we can find the time to workout three times a week, call our parents, put in a few minutes posting about our home businesses, cook a healthy dinner, spend time with your family, call your parents, and most importantly…spend time with Jesus.

I get that some of you may think I’m being too literal. You don’t mean the hours aren’t there….you’re just too busy‘. Fine.

Perhaps we need a lesson or two at managing our time.

People love to say they’re too busy like it’s some kind of insurmountable, external obstacle that they are in no way culpable for, as it’s clearly dictated by forces beyond their control. It makes them feel like it’s not their fault for not trying to do whatever it is they wish they could do. It basically externalizes responsibility.

I believe fear plays a huge role in why we make excuses about not having enough time

I think many people are just too terrified to fail so they’d rather stay stagnant where it’s comfortable rather than try. In reality we should embrace failure because it is definitely not something we should be afraid of.

If you are someone, however, who honestly feels like you don’t have enough time to accomplish the things you want to accomplish, then sit down one day and write out everything you did for every hour of the day up to that point. You can even go through and list everything you did that whole week if you’re feeling ambitious. Jot down how many times you checked Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tik Tok, etc. I realized that if I actually posted a brief post about my home based business everytime I checked Facebook or Instagram, then I’m not completely wasting my time on social media because posting is a crucial part of my job to share the amazing products my business has to offer. Jot down how often you find your mind just wandering off as if you have lost focus for a period of time during the day….you find yourself doing things that really don’t matter in the bigger picture. Jot down how many episodes of your favorite series you are watching in a day, a week, a month, etc. Jot down how many times you log on to your online games each day. Will a half hour of Candy Crush or Texas Hold ‘Em (I’m not exactly sure what’s the latest and greatest online games these days.) here and there actually get you where you want to be in life? Will watching 30 minutes of YouTube help you achieve the bigger picture in life? No, probably not. Add up all that time that was squandered, and you are sure to find a few extra hours in your day that you could have applied to working your business, spending time with loved ones, making some extra money to help you get out of debt, etc.

This is the precise reason I started planning because I was always complaining about not having enough time. People have laughed at me because part of my “to do” list everyday is 1. Make bed 2. Clean kitchen 3. Organize my day. The truth is, if I don’t write everything down for my day, I do tend to skip over many things because I get caught up in everything else….often times, things that don’t really matter in the bigger scheme of things. Sticking with schedules has really been helping me. After listing my morning routine for so long—now I can simplify it to “Morning Routine”, and I know all the things that must be done before I head out the door. I’ve also found certain things that I can do before I go to bed, so in the end I have more time in the mornings to get other things done. So, in my planner, I mark down for each day “nightly routine”. My nightly routine has helped me and is helping me to accomplish so much more every single day. I know that by sticking to a nightly routine, I have made that time for myself in the morning to spend time worshiping and praying so I can have the most important relationship in my life…my relationship with Christ. If I don’t have that…nothing else really matters anyway, right?

When I began to work on my Masters, I was juggling work, family life, and school. I began to become highly stressed because not only was I going to school, but I was also teaching high school, I was the director of a very active choral and drama program, and I was also married (My relationship with Jesus was not a priority at the time…although, I did hold a job as a church music director. It was simply for appearance purposes if I am being blatantly honest.). Nonetheless, I did not know how to juggle all of it, and it took a toll on my marriage because I was making everything else a priority. Of course, I made the excuses that my spouse didn’t understand, wasn’t supportive, asked entirely too much of me, etc. I didn’t know how to plan. Lack of planning was the root of my downfall. After failing at so many things, my job, my relationship, etc. I took up “planning”. I developed a habit of sitting at my desk and planning my entire week. At first, I was one of those people that liked to decorate my planner (scrapbooking, in a sense)—it was much needed therapy at the time. After failing at so much, one tends to need a bit of therapy to work through it all (especially when you don’t have Jesus). I have now become the planner that simply writes things down (I no longer decorate—it is no longer a priority.). I have been using planners for quite some time now, and I have achieved great success from it.

This is only 5 of the 7 planners during my 7 year planning time. I keep them because there are monumental things in them that I like to reflect on.

Before I began to plan, I had an excuse for every failure. Honestly, when we face the truth of the matter, we can never say that we can’t do this, or it isn’t working out, if we are not investing time into it. Basically, instead of saying we don’t have time for something, we are actually saying, “It’s not a priority.” “I don’t have time to spend worshiping and praying each day” becomes “Developing a relationship with Christ just isn’t important to me.” “I don’t have time to spend time with my spouse because I have so much other stuff to do” becomes “My marriage is not a priority.” (God knows I’ve used that excuse in my previous marriage. I don’t have time to work out” becomes “Working out and becoming healthier is not a priority.” “I don’t have time to work my home based business” becomes “Building my home based business, so I can get out of debt isn’t a priority.” Often times we say we are going to do something or be a part of something, and we get involved on paper, but that’s it. We don’t invest time into those things…..maybe it is your relationship with Christ, your marriage, a relationship, education, your home business, your daily job, etc. We simply sit there and expect things to happen without putting in any effort at all. Of course, when we fail at those things, it’s always easy to say, “I didn’t have enough time.” We can’t ever blame someone else for our lack of relationship with Christ, our failed marriage, failed business, dropping out of school, etc. We can’t ever complain about our failures, nor can we blame anyone else for our failures if we have not put in the time and effort. It comes down to what we choose to make a priority and the time we invest in those things that are important to us. Each day is a new day, a brand new page in your book of life. What are you writing on that page today? Say this every single day…..”I Create My Life.” The best part about it all is that when we put our relationship with Christ first….for some reason everything else just seems to fall into place so much easier. What are your priorities in life? Are you still making excuses by claiming to not have enough time? Are you still blaming “time” for your failures? What can you do to accomplish your goals? Does your time management need improvement?

Manage your time wisely, and just watch all the amazing things you will begin to accomplish. It all starts with a plan. Peace and Blessings!

Now, go find your time and seize the day! Create your life.