I am presently in my 4th week of being out of the classroom due to this horrible Corona virus pandemic. Let me first say that I understand why it is important for all of us to stay in our homes, and by no means am I complaining about not being able to be in my classroom right now with a class full of students. The point of this is that I have learned that just because I encounter problems along the way does not mean that it is better somewhere else. Let me jump back to last year so you can understand where I’m going with this.
I have been teaching for 19!years, and throughout my teaching career I have taught grades Pre-K through 12th grade. I am a music/choir/drama teacher, and I love what I do. Although, like many, there are times that I’ve complained about my job more than people complain about politics on the internet. I know, that’s pretty terrible, isn’t it?
When I first began my teaching career, I was always told to make sure I stayed out of the teachers’ lounge because it was filled with nothing but negativity and complaining. While I can understand that, the truth of the matter is that we can become pretty negative ourselves without the help of anyone else. I’ve always found that with myself, if I wasn’t completely happy in a situation, I would start complaining about it. Of course, to make it sound better, I would call it “venting”. That would continue on until I would finally decide to do something about it. Nine times out of ten, that meant that I would just begin to look for something better. I always had this strange idea that things would be better somewhere else. If I didn’t like the town or city I was living in, I’d try somewhere else only to find that it was no better than the previous. The same thing would happen with teaching positions. After my seven years of teaching in a public high school (during my 14th year of teaching), I thought that teaching in a private school would be so much better. Sure, you may not have some of the problems you might encounter in a public school, but then you have problems that you will never encounter in a public school. So, is one better than other?
After, my hiatus from public schools, which was only two years of teaching in private schools, I decided that it was time to go back to the public school system. I thought that if I was going to have to deal with the typical problems a teacher faces on a daily basis, I might as well get paid better for it. It is no secret that private school teachers do not receive a stellar salary. I interviewed at a nearby school district as well as the one I am currently in. While I was in limbo and waiting for someone to call, I prayed and told God that whoever called first–that was where I would teach because apparently that is where He wanted me to be. The very next day, I received a call from my current school district. Obviously, I took the job and was excited that I really didn’t have to travel much in order to get to work everyday.
The school year began, and I quickly found out that it was going to be a tough year. I struggled so much at the beginning of the year, and it just seemed like that struggle was getting worse and worse. I began to pray fervently that God would open another door because I definitely did not want to be at the same school the next year. A little side note: Remember my first prayer when I was waiting for a response from my interviews? Well, I fought and fought that idea, and I began to plead and fight about being there. Surely that wasn’t His will. I was miserable. I applied to other schools, thinking that if I went back to a private school it would be better (Remember, I just came from a private school). The crazy thing was, I never even got a “thanks for applying” response.
April was the worst month of the entire school year. One day during class, I was hearing the horrible things some of my students were telling each other, and it was like a wave just hit me. Without even realizing it, I just started to cry right there in front of them. I felt like Alice for a moment. The tears just didn’t want to stop.
It was such a low moment for me, and I began to think that maybe teaching wasn’t my calling after all. The very next day, I had my students participate in a peer circle. At this point, I was going to try anything. I allowed these junior high students to talk about anything they wanted to get off of their chest. Of course, I mediated the entire thing, and we talked things through. One of my students told me that her grandfather and father had anger issues, so that’s why she had them too. This little, pint-sized girl was always ready to get into a fight. Well, I let her know that she could break that chain if she really tried. More than half of the class was crying and speaking words of affirmation to each other. IT WAS A BREAKTHROUGH! After that peer circle, I thought surely things will be different the next day. Unfortunately, the next day came, and it was like nothing ever happened.
The beginning of May was upon us, and I was extremely discouraged. I hadn’t heard anything from any of the applications I filled out, and my students were just as they always had been and worse. One morning, I was talking to God on my way to work. I told Him that if this is where He wanted me to be, then I would accept it. However, I asked Him to give me the wisdom, strength, and guidance to be able to work in such a place. That very same day….when I arrived at my junior high school, there was a note lodged in my door. One of my students wrote, “Aside from my Heavenly Father, no one has made an impact in my life like you did.”
I cried!
Never did I expect a confirmation so quickly, but at that moment I surrendered my job to my Almighty Father. That very same week, the little girl with anger issues told me she started going to church. A week or so later, my husband and I were setting up for our final choir concert. I turned around to see that same girl leading eight other girls in prayer. I teared up, and they were definitely tears of happiness.
So here I am, it is my second school year at the same school. I can happily say that this year has been a million times better than last year. I invite God to intervene in my classroom every single day. There is a peace that is there even before my students come to class. Naturally, there are many things that I have chosen to do differently this year, and that has been a life changer. Now dear reader, don’t even begin to think that my students have changed. I still have many of the same problems I had last year, but what has made a difference is the fact that I CHANGED. My attitude towards being at this school has changed. I don’t complain about my job like I used to. I have not even thought once about leaving this school. Perhaps the grass IS greener somewhere else, but I have no desire to move until God tells me it is time for me to move on. I rest on His promises every single day I enter my classroom, and I continuously hear in my heart, “Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed.” Proverbs 16:3. Knowing that He has my back is all the comfort I need.
My students excelled further than I could have possibly imagined, and to say, that right now, I miss being in my classroom with them…is definitely an understatement. I look at my students in a different light because I know that each and every one of them is a child of God. We are all perfectly imperfect, and to know that God loves every single one of us even in spite of our imperfections…that speaks volumes.
So, needless to say…the grass isn’t always greener somewhere else. Where we are, presently, can be as green as we want it to be. Sometimes, we just forget that in order for the grass to be green, we have to water it. Don’t forget to water your grass, and always raise a Hallelujah that we have a God who is so mighty that He can make things grow in places we least expect it.
A Little Bit of This and A Little Bit of That 